Polyamory and ethical non-monogamy are often used interchangeably, but they are not the same thing.

Ethical non-monogamy (ENM) is an umbrella term for any type of relationship structure that leaves room for being romantically or sexually intimate with more than one person at a time.

That can mean a lot of different things:

Solo poly Polyfidelity Cuckolding Swinging Open relationship (And of course) polyamory

Essentially polyamory is a type of ENM, but not all ENM dynamics are poly.

What Makes a Relationship ENM?

Well, it’s in the name. An ENM dynamic is one where all people involved have non-monogamous relationships that are ethical and respectful.

People who are ENM:

May have a primary partner and be only sexual with other people May have numerous partners that are all considered equal but they consider themselves their “primary partner” (solo-poly) May be involved with people of different genders May engage in nonsexual relationships – many people on the asexual (ace) spectrum still want romantic connections, or may only want sexual connections with certain people.

These are just a few of the many ways people can practice ethical non-monogamy.

How Does Polyamory Work?

The definition of polyamory is in the word – poly means “many” while amor means “love”, aka “many-loves”.

People who practice polyamory likely experience some level of love and/or commitment from multiple people, whereas other types of ENM may be more casual for one or all partners involved.

People who practice polyamory:

May have more than one committed relationship, although it’s common for one of them to be considered their “primary partner” May involve both people in a couple inviting a third person into the dynamic that they’re both interested in romantically

One of the key differences is that polyamory is almost always about more than sex. People who practice polyamory want an emotional and romantic connection with more than one person.

Some people may consider themselves “poly” and are actively only romantically involved with one person, but are open to the idea of other romantic connections.

Tomato, Tah-mah-toe

Despite having these clear definitions, know that they can always vary from person to person and relationship to relationship.

It’s valuable to have clear definitions because it helps people know how to communicate expectations with their partner and anyone they are dating. It also helps you create community and find resources to help support you and your partner(s) as you navigate these fun, but sometimes sticky waters.

At the end of the day, language is a tool that helps people connect and have a better understanding of each other. Language is a powerful tool when it comes to relationships, but like people, it’s always evolving.

Make It Work for You

You and your partners need to find a system that works for all of you, and trust that it will probably evolve and change over time – that’s true for any relationship. ENM and poly relationships need to have a baseline of transparency, openness, and trust to function responsibly.

One of the most important things when it comes to polyamory and ENM is clear communication. Communicating your expectations, your needs, your triggers, and all the nitty-gritty details that might not come up in a monogamous relationship.

Here are some other key tips to keep in mind when navigating polyamory:

Establish clear limits: Accept that these may evolve with time. Seek guidance: Consult poly peers, therapists (solo, couples). Consent: Every person must fully grasp the situation; you & partner decide on info sharing. Voice needs: Your partner can't guess; unmet needs require clear communication. Uphold respect: Essential for all, doubly so in poly relationships. Own your actions: Feelings arise, partners get hurt; acknowledge, apologize, & talk to heal.